It's All How You Choose To Look At Life

I woke up this morning, slowly stretching my arms, in no rush to get a move on. My photo shoot wasn't until later this afternoon, and so I had the morning to myself. I reached across my bed to touch my partner, soundly sleeping. My iPhone, that is. I checked Twitter, Facebook, Path, Snapchat, Vine, Instagram, Medium, Pinterest, my email, Timehop, Plant Nanny and then played a few games of Dots. And then I did that all over again, and again, and again and again and again and this feeling of discontent rushed over me, as it always does when I aimlessly check my phone. I finally snapped out of it when my other partner, not my iPhone, the real life one, called me to say good morning. 

"What have you been doing?" He asked.

"Laying here. Reading articles. I read an article about how when you break up with someone they never, ever disappear from your life because social media exists and so we have the infinite ability to always know what they are doing unless they choose to not be online. It wasn't like this in the olden days, where you broke up with someone and never heard from them again. I read other articles, too, more important ones, political ones." 

He laughed. 

Eventually I rolled out of my warm bed and stepped onto the cold hard wood floor. I shivered, putting on socks. I stared at a pair of sweat pants laying on the other side of my room. Do I risk it? I thought, do I risk darting pants-less across the living room to the restroom, gracefully (or not) whizzing past the coffee table my boyfriend days prior slammed his knee into in an attempt to do the same thing while avoiding being seen by my roommate? I sighed and put on my sweatpants. As it turned out when I stepped into the living room, my roommate wasn't even home.  

I turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm up. My shower is always on point. It has the perfect amount of pressure and seems to be almost never ending with hot water. My roommate and I generally can shower back to back with no problems. I stepped under the hot water and shuddered as it raced down my skin. The goosebumps faded and I scrubbed my skin with soap. My discontent from earlier began to wash away, but I was still pretty groggy and also slightly pissed about the fact that I actually had to leave the house today for a photo shoot. It was raining outside, and on these types of days I'd much rather stay in with a book or a movie, sweatpants and an extra side of fries with my chicken wrap from Garden Grill.

Wrapping myself in a towel I stared at my reflection in the mirror. A  new zit appeared on my face. Motherf*cker, I thought. I painted my skin as quickly as I could, erasing any last traces of dehydration, lack of sleep and teenage puberty that never went away 10 years ago and still threatens my skin on a daily basis. I did my hair, ugh, my hair, I got dressed, ugh, I never have anything to wear, and ate breakfast, ugh, I don't feel like eating eggs this morning.

You see, it's these types of mornings I have from time to time where I don't realize how fortunate I am. As I was dragging my feet to my photo shoot I saw an old man sitting on a fire hydrant holding up a sign advertising for Subway. He was old, his skin dark and weathered. He swayed a bit like he was uncomfortable and had to relieve himself. The wind and misty rain blew onto our faces. I ducked for shelter and he remained there, huddled in his jacket. He was old enough to be my grandfather.

I'm not saying that man didn't enjoy his job and that there's something morally wrong when an old man has to hold a sign outside in the cold. Maybe he loves his job and he's chosen to do that instead of retire. If so, that is amazing and inspiring and I hope to work every day of my life, too. But it was the look in his eyes that made me feel sorry for him. His eyes were hollow and desperate. This man didn't want to be out there, he had to be out there. And here I was, with a crazy amount of expensive camera equipment in my backpack, mumbling about zits and the fact that I had to go take photos today. It made me realize how fortunate I really am. 

We go through life every day, this is not new. What is new and will always be new are the things that are going to catch us off guard each day. The things that will make us laugh or cry or stomp our feet in anger or throw ourselves onto the couch after a long day at work. Things are going to happen to us that are beyond our control and a lot of these things once in our hands, we still won't be able to do anything about. We just have to live and accept, and choose how we are going to feel about our day. Why do we let such small, minuscule things govern our lives? Why not give up control, let the Universe work its magic, and just be thankful we actually have a zit to cover up with makeup because that just means I'm alive. At least I am able to step outside and not be afraid for my safety. At least I actually have a coffee table to slam my knee into. At least I have sweatpants to wear when I want and a house to hide in when I don't want to wear pants. 

This past year has been filled with so much change, uncertainty and stress that I physically witnessed my body and skin age. I have started wearing more makeup to try and remedy how much darker my under eye circles have gotten and I've debated whether these new wrinkles are from smiling or frowning too much. But really, who cares? I don't want to care about these things because caring about these types of things give them power over me. And they deserve no power over me. Life is good. Despite the fact that it's still changing and my plans are uncertain and some days are really stressful, everything else, everything outside of all these factors that I choose to let effect my attitude, everything else is pretty damn good.  For that, I'm thankful.

It's all how you choose to look at life.