Tonight we booked flights to San Francisco which I am so excited about! It was two years ago that we met for the first time while we were both there, and we haven't been back together since. I'm excited to visit the place we met, to see a bunch of my closest girlfriends and introduce him to the ones he hasn't met yet. I'm excited to show him my old apartment and where I used to work. I'm excited to show him a part of where I became me and do that reminiscing thing together.
Perhaps I am too honest, but I'd rather be real and honest then surface level and dishonest. Booking our flights tonight was exhausting. Him and I are both such passionate people when we're together and so all it takes is one little thing and suddenly we're arguing over which flights to take and then wondering how we even got there. Even now, I couldn't tell you. But ya know, tonight I was watching Friends, yes, Friends(!), and it was the season finale of the entire show (disclaimer: if you haven't seen Friends yet, stop reading because I'm totally about to spoil it, and yeah, it's totally possible to not have watched Friends yet because I just started the show for the first time in my entire life a few months ago). Ross and Rachel finally, finally, decide to stay together and here's what they say:
Rachel: No more messing around. I don't wanna mess this up again.
Ross: Me neither, okay? We are - we're done being stupid.
Rachel: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.
And this is just it. There are so many of these stupid little things that we let get in our way where we forget what love and marriage is supposed to be about. We are never ever going to have a perfectly seamless relationship together, but every time we stop what we're doing and look at each other and say okay, we're done being stupid, it's you and me alright, that's it, it's like I see him for the very first time again and I realize that no matter what, this is the human I want to do all of these stupid little things together with, because I know that through all of it, there are going to be so many incredible things we experience together and he's the only one I want to do life with.
Eric is really good at letting go. Me? Not so much. He's very quick to catch us when we're having a moment and tell us to stop worrying about some minuscule detail and then completely forgive and forget and move on. It's such a breath of fresh air and I'm trying my hardest to be better at letting go like he can. Which is funny, because, I have written post after post after post after post after yet again another post about letting go and here I am, still trying to let go.
I think people like to think that love is all fairytales and magic. I think people like to think that they've finally "made it" when they get engaged or married or that their life has finally begun. I think people like to think that once they are married all of their problems are going to go away and they're going to be infinitely happy forever and ever and always. This is such a lovely thought that it scares me that some people think this and don't realize or forget that there is an entire other side to being with someone that is the exact opposite of this.
Life and love and being engaged and I'm sure marriage as well is filled with stupid little details that sometimes make you want to make scary faces but if you know how to navigate it, you'll be able to immediately turn around and laugh at whatever it was that was driving you crazy. Life and love and being engaged and I'm sure marriage as well is filled with things that are not fairytales and are really, really hard but I think as soon as you can get over this fairytale kinda thing, you'll create your own fairytale story, if that's what you want to call it. Because things sure as hell are never going to be perfect, but gosh, things can sure be beautiful. Like when Eric called me later and said, we sure are good at that thing we do where we basically turn on the blender without a lid on, and then we both started laughing hysterically because at the end of the day, those tiny, minuscule, stupid things don't matter except for the fact that I still love doing them with him, because him is what matters to me.
Love is really beautiful. It's also a choice. It's a mix of I'm-so-crazy-about-you-never-leave-me-I-miss-you-it's-only-been-five-minutes and oh-my-gosh-I-am-so-mad-right-now-but-I-am-committed-to-you-and-we-will-work-this-out because you love each other, and that's what love is. It's those magical ingredients of both desire and commitment and a whole lot of laughter that makes life with someone so great.